I know not what I'm doing here anymore. I don't know if I'm helping, I don't know if I'm making things worse, I don't know if I'm making no difference at all.
But does she have to make me feel like I'm not there every now and then? Will she only do something about my existence when I'm desperate? And if she does, will that really show she cares and not show just a fucking guilty reaction?
I have no idea abbout how to describe myself to myself or to anyone else. I don't feel like working, or loving, or living. But then when I'm around other people I'm able to act reasonably, and what sense is there in that? Is it a sign that I'm moving on? Don't think so. Is it a sign that I can deal with it? Don't think so either. Am I lying to myself?
Necessarily.
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