My dad told me more than once that I, and him, and everyone else for the matter was utterly alone. That we had no one to really help us but ourselves. That we should not count on other people's help, that they would eventually fail on us.
Had he known the tons of people who helped me so far, he would see he was dead wrong.
Because no matter what, I've had lots and lots of help with going through what I'm going through, and from people who had basically no forcing reason or motive or obligation to do so. Thank you all, no exceptions made. I would quote names, but not many of them would read this, so I'd be just throwing words to nothing (but isn't it what I'm doing here all the time?)
Anyways, I just feel strange being the way I am now. It's like I'm on the other side of the road, you know? (by 'you' I mean random reader that finds out that my blog exists even though I don't have it written anywhere) I never used to be the one who needed consolation, I was always the one who gave it. I was never the one to be sad, I used to be the one who cheered people up.
The other side is really not so cool. I don't wanna be on it. I don't wanna be patted on the back anymore. I don't wanna be cheered up.
But the way things are now, I see no way out. I don't see myself getting out of where I am now, and I don't see myself going (or wanting to go) anywhere else either.
It just sucks. The whole thing. It just sucks big cocks big time, and it won't change. Not so soon. I hate having to suffer, I hate having to heal, I hate having to forget. I hate having to forget. I hate having to forget.
Because I don't know if I can.
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